Compiled by Joel Hahn

Written by the readers of rec.games.frp.dnd

1.  The restoration of alignment languages

2.  Pictures of Peter Adkison, Bill Slaviscek, Ryan Dancey, and Keith Strohm
wearing nothing but chainmail bikinis

3.  -100% xp penalty and a swift boot to the head for playing an elf (of any
variety) who is ambidextrous, specialized in sword, has an exceptionally high
strength, fights with a sword in each hand, loves to fight, and otherwise has
no discernable personality.

4.  Magic Jar-Jar

5.  Flavor text quoted from "Aleister Crowley: The Beast Demystified"

6.  Flavor text quoted from Jack Chick's "Dark Dungeons"

7.  Flavor text quoted from The Dead Alewives' "The Truth about Dungeons &

8.  Art by Dave Trampier   

9.  From the introduction: "Aw, hell-- the whole thing's just cribbed from
Tolkien anyway; go play MERP instead."

10.  GURPS: D&D

11.  The original artwork from B3: Palace of the Silver Princess

12.  A secret decoder ring packaged with every DMG

13.  Each PH contains a random selection of 60 out of 250 pages: 20 are
common, 12 are uncommon, 3 are rare, and 25 are blank character sheets.
Certain pages will later be restricted or banned for tournament use.  ("I'll
trade you a page on two-weapon fighting style for 2 skill lists and a
description of Fireball...")

14.  Sex and D&D

15.  Every character starts off with 5 clones besides himself...

16.  ...And the DMG comes with "Return to the Alpha Complex of Horrors."

17.  Hackmaster-class +12 swords

18.  A M:tG Fallen Empires booster pack bundled with every PH

19.  No errata whatsoever in the first printing

20.  A free AOL CD-ROM bundled with the PH

21.  Coupons for a free copy of the VHS or DVD of your choice of: Mazes &
Monsters, The Dungeonmaster, or Iron Warrior.

22.  The random harlot generation table

23.  Skeeve and Aahz join the Circle of Eight

24.  A web browser fully integrated into the core system

25.  Spelljammer: The Phantom Menace

26.  Three words: Kender Barbecue table.

27.  The circle of Eight is renamed "The Eightpack Posse" to draw in the
younger generation.

28. Addition of Mortal Kombat-style "Finishing moves."  Watch out for the
Beholder Eye Smash!

29. All Characters are now be owned by a Player Character Trainer
and only allowed to say their names.

30. Tomb of Horrors is the recommended 'intro' module.

31a. The Long sword will be given a speed factor of 20 and damage of
1d1, just to shut people up.
31b. The Long sword will be given a speed factor of -2 and damage of
10d10, just to shut other people up.

32. The Katana....nevermind.

33. Elves will be placed on the 'Restricted' list and only available for
play at the cost of 100 bucks.

34. The inclusion of the "Summon Satan Today!" primer.

35. Don't forget the suggested 18d1 character generation method.

36. Alignment for Dick and Jane: With illustrations in primary colors.

37. Flavor text stolen from Storyteller games.

38. Addition of 13+ different types of Vampires and Werewolfs...

39. Microsoft D&D.

40. Now comes with internet multiplayer support! (Because what else
matters these days?)

41. Gygaxian prose, with accompaning monosyllabic translation.

42. Who will be the party leader must be decided by a marathon game of The
Great Dalmuti

43. Funny Hats.

44. Monsterous Manual comes with "Original G.e.e.k." label.

45. Renaming of DM to GOD, just as a friendly reminder.

46. "Deities" dropped in favor of "Former Player Characters"...

47. Alternate alignment system: Politcal Correctness.

48. Inclusion of Stevil's "Playa's Option: Pimps and Ho's," and expansion of
that campaign setting

49. New Weapon: Spork

50. Recipe for "Greek Fire,"

51. Suggestions to regularly attend church....

52. 2001: A SpellJammer Odyssey

53. Raistlin Vs. Elminster: A winner!

54. Module PM1: I Choose You, Pikachu!

55: Martha Stewart's Guide to Country Dungeon Design