101 SPELLS NOT WORTH MEMORIZING

                          originally compiled by

                  Bill Garrett and Nushae Siobhan Fahey

                        299 additions compiled by

                               Joel Hahn

Thanks to all who contributed: Nathan Amed, Paul Brinkley, Jay Cherry,
Jonathan Coolidge, Ian Crowther, Joe Delisle, Nushae Siobhan Fahey,
Curtis Frye, Bill Garrett, Joel Hahn, Larry Keber, John Kochmar,
Tim Larson, Jonathan Sivier, Brian Snoddy, Stefan Thieme, and many,
many others.

(More can be found by reading the Cylindrical Scrolls, printed in Dragon
Magazine a while back.)

  1  Acid Trip
  2  Affect Abnormal Fires
  3  Affect Normal Foyers
  4  Air Breathing  (land-dwellers only)
  5  Airshape (like Stoneshape, but with normal air)
  6  Airy Air
  7  Alamir's Freeway Breakdown
  8  Alamir's Fundamental Theorem
  9  Algorithm  I-III
 10  Anger God
 11  Animate Bread
 12  Anti-Anti-Magic Shell  (Pro-Magic Shell?)
 13  Anti-Magic Eggshell
 14  Anti-Magic Magic Missle
 15  Anti-Magic Magic Mouth
 16  Antipathy Orb
 17  Audible Grammar
 18  Audible Hammer  (of the M.C. variety)
 19  Auditable Glamour
 20  Augmented Chord I, ii, III, iv, V, VI, vii

 21  Bad Lighting
 22  Badly Programmed Illusion
 23  Become Dead  (reverse of Resurrect Self)
 24  Bigby's Assertive Finger
 25  Bigby's Clenched Teeth
 26  Bigby's Critically Fumbling Hand
 27  Bigby's Glove  (colors the various Bigby's Hand spells, no bonus)
 28  Bigby's Groping Hand
 29  Bigby's Hairy-Palmed Hand
 30  Bigby's Insulting Hand  (the second finger is rather prominent)
 31  Bigby's Limp-Wristed Hand
 32  Bigby's Shadow-Animal Making Hands
 33  Bigby's "Shush"ing Hand
 34  Black & White Spray
 35  Blind Self
 36  Bold Monster
 37  Bookworm Blast
 38  Break-Wind Wall
 39  Break the Wind
 40  Bubbling Rainstorm
 41  Burning Hands  (Yours, ouch)

 42  Can Trip (And does!)
 43  Change Elf
 44  Charm Dead
 45  Charm Friends
 46  Charm Groupie
 47  Charm Potted Plants
 48  Charm Self
 49  Charm Undead (X rated version)
 50  Cheeseball
 51  Circling the Square  (i.e. Times, Trafalger, Tiannemen)
 52  Clause of the Lawyer
 53  Clear Audience  (usually follows Delayed Blast Flatulence)
 54  Clone Undead
 55  Clown
 56  Color Safe Spray
 57  Compulsive Disorder
 58  Cone of Bubbles
 59  Conjure Emmenthaler
 60  Contact This Plane
 61  Continual Bad Lighting
 62  Continual Right  (a political spell)
 63  Control Casting Time (controls the casting time of this spell only)
 64  Control Feather
 65  Copyright Shroud
 66  Crass Suggestion
 67  Create Coat Hanger
 68  Cure Animal Hide
 69  Cure Light Winds
 70  Cure Smoked Ham
 71  Cure STD
 72  Current Life
 73  Cylons, 10' Radius
 74  Cymbal

 75  Dalamar's Whoopee Cushion  (things that make you go hmmmm)
 76  Darkness, 15 micron radius
 77  Daylight (material components: must be cast outdoors in bright sunlight)
 78  Deathwish
 79  Deeppocket Lint
 80  Delayed Blast Cantrip
 81  Delayed Blast Flatulence
 82  Delayed Blast Spitball
 83  Demand Blindness
 84  Demi-Shadow Puppets
 85  Deny Reality
 86  Detect Crying
 87  Detect Dead (Yep, he's dead alright...)
 88  Detect Detect Spells
 89  Detect Hound
 90  Detect Lightning Bolts  (area: 5')
 91  Detect Pervert
 92  Detect Pink Bunny Rabbits
 93  Detect Self  (allows you to see if you are yourself)
 94  Detect Strikes and Spares
 95  Detect Tragic  (oooh, theres a sad happening over there!)
 96  Detect Unseen Butler
 97  Detect Visibility (Yep, I can see that)
 98  Detect Weevil
 99  Detect Wind
100  Differentiate Without Error  (Hey, you never know...)
101  Dimension Doorknob
102  Dispell Nonmagical Reptiles & Amphibians
103  Dispurse Self
104  Doug
105  Doug's Generic Spell
106  Drain Vaccuum
107  Draw Upon Religious Right
108  Drawmij's Court Summons
109  Drawmij's Instant Cake Mix
110  Drawmij's Instant Coffee  (components: hot water and cup)
111  Drawmij's Instant Death  (Drawmij's CON must be about -30 by now...)

112  Earthly Chorus
113  Enchanted Toothpick
114  Enlightening Bolt
115  Enrage Dragon
116  ESPN
117  Ethertalk
118  Evard's Black Growth (range: 0)
119  Evard's Black Testicles
120  Evard's Blue Testicles
121  Explosive Familiar  (it's *your* familiar)
122  Explosive Friends
123  Extension Cord I, II, and III
124  Extinguish Match  (casting time: 5 rounds)

125  Face Grasp
126  Fear of Sunmotes
127  Feather Brain
128  Feather Flail
129  Feign Life  (as if the caster has one)
130  Feign Orgasm
131  Find Acquaintance
132  Find Floor (somatic component: falling on face)
133  Find Hand
134  Finger of Near-Fatal Injury
135  Finger of Plead
136  Fire Alarm
137  Fire Rap
138  Fire Stick
139  Fireball (reversed)
140  Fiscal Projection
141  Fist of Flesh
142  Fleshskin  (range: self)
143  Fool's Lead
144  Foresee Unseen Butler
145  Forget Spells (area: self)
146  Forehead
147  Foreskin
148  Fourier's Transformation
149  Furball
150  Furry Fire

151  Gaze at Reflection
152  Geese
153  Get Flu
154  Get Life
155  Glassteal  (swipe that beermug from that unsuspecting peasant)
156  Globe of Vulnerability
157  Grate
158  Graze reflection  (if someone hurts your knee)
159  Guess Alignment

160  Hair Extension I, II, III
161  Hallucinatory Escape
162  Hallucinatory Train
163  Hand of Skin
164  Hatch Egg (somatic component: sit on egg)
165  Heal Monster  (only works on opponents during combat)
166  Heel
167  Hold Bladder
168  Hold Mustard
169  Hold Self
170  Hornung's Gas
171  Hornung's Police Dispatcher
172  Housefly
173  Hug Self

174  Illusion Debugger  (for Badly Programmed Illusions)
175  Illusionary Crypt
176  Iggy's Invisible Illusion
177  Illegal Thoughts  (That serving wench looks older than 18)
178  Implosive Runes
179  Impress Plants
180  Improper Suggestion
181  Indirection  (address register postincrement)
182  Indivisibility  (The caster is a prime number)
183  Insect Plague, 5' Radius
184  Integrate  (reversible, Differentiate)
185  Invisibility to Inanimate Objects
186  Invisibility to Dead
187  Invisible Talker
188  Irritate Self

189  Kender Summoning I, II, III
190  Kitchen Sink
191  Knock Knock
192  Know Own Alignment
193  Know Person  (in the biblical sense of the word...)
194  Kooshball

195  Legend Bore
196  Legend Lore, Extended Dance Mix
197  Leomund's Condemned Shelter
198  Leomund's Grass Hut
199  Leomund's Mortgaged Shelter
200  Leomund's Risky Tax Shelter
201  Leomund's Secure Chest Cavity
202  Leomund's Sturdy Music Box
203  Leomund's Tap
204  Leomund's Underfunded Homeless Shelter
205  Level Water
206  Lightning Blot
207  Limited Dish  (Sorry sir, the Dover Sole is off)
208  Limited Wash
209  Locate Right Hand
210  Locate Self  (tells you where you are, relative to your location)
211  Locate Tongue  (requires verbal component)
212  Locate Wizard  (the _nearest_ wizard)
213  Lorloveim's Shady Deal
214  Lose Familiar  (Get lost, ya wee booger!)
215  Lower Cholesterol Level
216  Lower Inhibitions

217  Maggot Missle
218  Magic Boomeranging Missile
219  Magic Gristle
220  Magic Jar-Jar
221  Magic Missal  (A really boring prayersheet)
222  Magic Moth
223  Magic Orifice
224  Magic Shotglass  (as opposed to Magic Jar)
225  Mail of the Banshee  (victim gets letter saying "Waaaaaahh...")
226  Maize
227  Matrix Addition
228  Mauve Earth
229  Meld, Canasta Version
230  Melf's Acid Bow
231  Melf's Acid Trip
232  Melf's Minute Rice
233  Melodramatic Phantom Defenders
234  Memorize Spell
235  Meatier Swarm
236  Meteor Swan
237  Micrometeorite Storm
238  Mildly Surprising Grasp
239  Minor Delousing
240  Mistaken Identify
241  Mistaken Thought  (Gee, guys, it _looked_ like a Gas Spore)
242  Moaning Spirit
243  Mordenkainen's Agnostic Hound
244  Mordenkainen's Aroused Hound  (can't get it off of the nearest leg)
245  Mordenkainen's Big Ears (+1 to all hearing checks, ear size quadrupled)
246  Mordenkainen's Bored Cat
247  Mordenkainen's Celery
248  Mordenkainen's Conjunction (Conjunction Junction, what's your function?)
249  Mordenkainen's Faithful Mosquito
250  Mordenkainen's Freeway Junction
251  Mordenkainen's Lubrication
252  Mordenkainen's Sword, -1 Backbiter
253  Mordenkainen's Unfaithful Wife
254  Move Venus
255  Muenster Summoning I-VII
256  Murder Darkness
257  Murdoch's Featherless Fryer  (Verbal component: "Butterball")
258  Murdock's Feathery Pillow

259  Nahal's Banana Peel  (appears under random ally's foot)
260  No Time
261  No Vacancy
262  Nystul's Undetectible Aura

263  Otiluke's Happy Fun Sphere
264  Otiluke's Resilient Ear
265  Otiluke's Room Temperature Sphere
266  Otto's Irresistible Disco-Duck
267  Otto's Resistable Dance

268  Paraphrase Magic
269  Part Hair
270  Pastel Blade of Warm Fuzzies  (9th level Drow spell)
271  Penultimate Fall
272  Phantasmal Fork
273  Phantasmal Morse
274  Phantasmal Thriller
275  Plane XOR
276  Polymorph Mother
277  Power Word Missing
278  Power Word, NO!
279  Power Word, Noogie
280  Power Word, Puke
281  Power Word, Pun
282  Power Word, Smirk
283  Power Word, Spam
284  Power Word, Wedgie
285  Protection from Catnips
286  Protection from Elvis, 10' Radius
287  Protection from Evil Knievel
288  Protection from Halitosis
289  Protection from Normal Air
290  Protection from Normal Missals
291  Protection from Normal Oxygen
292  Protection from Normal Pillows
293  Protection from Self
294  Protection from Weevil
295  Psychoanalyze Without Error  (Zo, ven dit you shtop lofink your mutter?)
296  Purge Memory
297  Putrefy Offal

298  Rainbow Enhancer
299  Random Casualty
300  Rary's Mnemonic Cancer  (eats away at those favorite spells)
301  Rary's Mnemonic Device  (makes silly acronyms out of things)
302  Rary's Pneumonic Cough (range: self)
303  Read Common
304  Rectum of Retention
305  Reincarnation Door
306  Remove Hand  (yours)
307  Remove Minus Sign (reversible)
308  Remove Nurse ("Good-Byyyeeee Nurse!")
309  Remove Reality
310  Remove Self
311  Remove Strong Language
312  Reservation
313  Rest Erection
314  Resurrect Living
315  Resurrect Self  (problem: must be alive to cast the spell)
316  Reverse Graffiti
317  Rice Storm
318  Rock Summoning I

319  Sepia Cake Sigil
320  Serten's Smell Immunity
321  Sheepskin
322  Shocking Gasp  (usually follows Tenser's Shocking Suggestion)
323  Silence of the Lambs, 15' radius
324  Sleep with Dead  (yuck... unless you're a real Necromancer)
325  SmorgasMorph
326  Soap-on-a-Rope Trick
327  Solid Frog
328  Speak With Boring Monsters
329  Speak With Dead Plants
330  Speak With Grateful Dead
331  Speak With Living  (components: two tin cans and a string)
332  Speak With Mud
333  Speak With Self
334  Sucker  (for those of you who actually cast the spell)
335  Summon Allergy
336  Summon Death  (Death arrives and kills the caster)
337  Summon Self
338  Swift Envelope

339  Tape Mount
340  Tasha's Controllable Mildly Unpleasant Laughter
341  Tasha's Uncontrollable Bladder
342  Tasha's Uncontrollable Hideous Daughter  (a.k.a. ST:TNG's "Sela")
343  Tasha's Uncontrollable Hideous Die Rolls
344  Tasha's Uncontrollable Hideous Flatulence
345  Tasha's Uncontrollable Hideous Gesture
346  Tasha's Uncontrollable Hideous Hand
347  Tax Avoidance
348  Taunt a Second Time
349  Teleport Environment
350  Teleport With Lots of Errors
351  Teleport Without Destination
352  Teleport Without Terror
353  Tenser's Double-Sided, Double Density Disk
354  Tenser's Floating Point
355  Tenser's Formatted Disk
356  Tenser's Gloating Disk
357  Tenser's Shocking Suggestion  (you want to WHAT??!)
358  Tenser's Slipped Disk
359  Tenser's Deadly Resurrection
360  Tensor Transformations
361  This Space for Rent  (fills up space on a scroll or in a mage's memory)
362  Time Start
363  Tonguetwister Change
364  Tons
365  Transmute Ashes to Ashes, Dust to Dust  (priest spell)
366  Transmute Friends to Enemies
367  Transmute Head to Butt
368  Transmute RGB to HSV
369  Transmute Rock to Stone (reversible)
370  Transmute Rock to Jazz
371  Trap the Sole  (see Limited Dish)
372  Turn Friends Into Enemies
373  Turn Pebble  (rotation, not banishment)

374  Undefined Symbol
375  Unenlightening Bolt
376  Unheard Servant
377  Unscented Cloud
378  Unseen Manservant
379  Unseen Pervert
380  Unseen Sympathy

381  Vampiric Breathing  (perfect for harassing phone calls)
382  Vampiric Crutch
383  Varnish
384  Visible Stalker

385  Walk
386  Wall of Dog
387  Wall of Horse
388  Wall of Non-Dairy Creamer
389  Wall of Non-Violent Protestors
390  Wall of Normal Air
391  Wall of Paper
392  Wall of Velcro
393  Waste
394  Wink
395  Wizard Eyebrow
396  Wizard Lick
397  Wizard Nostril
398  Wizard Stain

399  You Wish!

400  ZX-Spectral Force


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